TOUR 2000 Sketch List

  1. Prologue - Rotating slide show of early photos of the guys (many baby pics, Dave exposes a nipple while in drag for the tour photo shoot, Mark shows us too much through his fruit-of-the-looms, Bruce did drag long before KITH), pics of tour rehearsal, flyers from pre-TV live shows, footage reels of bloopers from the original show with music including Macy Gray, Garbage, etc. Rare footage of an early opening credits for the show is similar to that seen in first season but with different shots of the guys.

  2. Prologue - 'Prepare to be freakafied' - Mark narrates a piece on the main screen talking about how great it is to be in (fill in name of city here) with all its rivers and buildings and its sports teams (each shows generic footage) and how we must prepare for meeting the Kids in the Hall

  3. Prologue - Hypnotic message plays on screen trying to get audience to buy Kids in the Hall merchandise in the lobby, Mark narrates

  4. Mark's voice - "You are now ready to meet...the Kids in the Hall" - Theme song from show begins as the silhouettes of the kids in drag (as Charlie's Angels) appear behind the screens - crowd goes wild

  5. AT&LOVE reunion of the secretaries (All 5)- boom of the economy has put A.T.& Love back in business and the girls have to remember how to type again (to the music of Parliament…tear the roof off tha mutha…) (Old characters, new skit)

  6. Mr. Heavyfoot (Dave)- tries to sit on the front row, usher (played by Dave Foley's real life girlfriend) points him to the balcony (Old characters, new skit)

  7. Buddy Cole monologue (Scott)- Buddy is disappointed when a good Samaritan (Mark) stops a gay bashing (of him at the hands of Bruce and Kevin) and so ends Buddy's kinky fun. Y2K, what a letdown! Jews and Muslims taste the same. What does dog taste like? Cat. As if it isn't bad enough being gay in America, the last thing he needs is a muslim dog… (Old character, new skit)

  8. (MOVIE) Cops (Mark, Bruce)- shoot a cute little girl dressed like little orphan Annie trying to steal an apple (Old characters, new skit)

  9. Cops (Mark, Bruce, briefly Scott)- assorted live pieces reprising cop pieces from the show plus a new one where Mark's cop contemplates his ideal stance. (Old characters, new & old skits)

  10. Daddy's dyin' (All 5)- Country Doctor is slow saving farmer from Death. Dave and Bruce add a new raunchy twist as the Doctor and the son look to be amorous while the mother is out of the kitchen! In D.C. in all 3 shows there was copious giggling, flubbing until eventually the "4th wall" fell. In Detroit, this skit was done as it was written for the TV show. (Old characters, old skit with new twists)

  11. Headcrusher (Mark, Kevin)- Mr. Tyzik (emerging from the Death shroud in previous sketch after baiting the audience) takes on Kevin, posing as a heckler in the front row and squaring off as 'face pincher' Great moments included Tyzik peering at the crowd in the balcony section and saying "Hello up there, balcony people in your shitty seats! Oh I can't help it, it's genocide, but...I CRUSH YOUR HEADS!" (uses both hands to squash them all in one motion) (Old characters, old skit with new twists)
    CHICAGO SHOW featured an audience member helping Kevin onstage who surprised him and Mark by jumping onstage after him. Mark stopped but Kevin shrugged and laughed and they went on with the scene and Kevin had the guy help him crush Mark's head.

  12. (MOVIE) Mr. Heavyfoot (Dave, Scott) - Mr. Heavyfoot reaches the balcony, only to find Scott's whore character Maudre - Mr. Heavyfoot contemplates a lifelong relationship with the whore, but turns to reply and finds her servicing a male usher - he shrugs and leaves (Old characters, new skit)

  13. Jesus 2000 (Mark, Bruce) - Money Momentum salesmen selling the Jesus 2000: a self-worshipping Jesus… (Old characters, new skit, a really good one)

  14. Pit of Ultimate Darkness (Kevin, Dave)- Hecubus has to pee and may sue for sexual harassment when Simon grabs his crotch during the Sleep of Ages bit (both guys appear to lose it every time they do that part) (Old characters, new skit)

  15. Gavin's big bike race (Scott, Bruce)- Scott takes Mark's place in this famous sketch with Gavin. Bruce adds a great line to the original script: "Mister, I think you're full of shit" (Old characters, old skit with new twists)

  16. Comfortable (Dave, Mark, Scott, Kevin)- Scott adds a lot of raunchy new moves while busy with Kevin's female character on the dinner table - crowd goes wild. Dave adds line when Scott goes under Kevin's skirt: "Somebody's going to need a breath mint." (Old characters, old skit with new twists)

  17. The Sandwich people (Bruce monologue)- Sad, sad, sad are The Sandwich people, the Happy people, and the Poo people…(Old monologue, still good)

  18. Chickenlady's blind date (Mark, Dave) - Blind date Max Davis (Dave) didn't take "Chickenlady" in the personal ad literally. Mark tries to make a mortified Dave break character by squatting in his chair and slowly spreading his legs and opening his skirt. In D.C. a heckler yells "swallow it, Foley". Through a mouthful of Chickenlady's "omelette", Dave says "fuck you", audience roars. (Old characters, old skit, still good)

  19. (MOVIE) Hookers in Hollywood (Scott, Kevin, Dave) - Jocelyn details her night with Ron Howard. Rudy the pimp, fitfull over Jocelyn's hickeys, collapses from an asthma attack on the Walk of Fame on top of Danny Kaye's star. "I don't wanna die on Danny Kaye...!"(Old characters, new skit)

  20. Fran, Gordon, and the salty ham (Bruce, Scott)- Gordon gets up in the middle of the night to complain that soon he'll be searching for Gatorade streams in the back yard because of Fran's bastard briney ham. This skit is intertwined with the "Power of the Suburbs" and "Brian's party" (Old characters, old skit with new twists)

  21. The Power of the Suburbs (Mark, Kevin) song by Kevin and Mark dressed in astroturf suits (New characters, new skit)

  22. Brian's party (Dave) - Brian, son of Gordon and Fran, talking big about his upcoming party (Old characters, old skit with new twists)

  23. LOVE ME! (Mark, Bruce) Mark (still in astroturf suit) reeks of suburbia, ignores his son's pleas for love as he grills outside, and drops from a heart attack (New characters, old skit)
    CHICAGO SHOW featured Kevin instead of Bruce playing the son begging for love from his father

  24. Brian's party (Dave)- Once he got sooo drunk he slept with a man…Nobody showed at the party. (Old characters, new skit)

  25. Fran, Gordon, and the salty ham (cont.)(Scott, Bruce, Dave, Mark) - talking about how Brian is a hom-… hom-…he's shy. There's a brief cameo of Mark as Attila, the German gay lover talking to and groping Brian - Gordon across stage in a lawn chair slowly crumbles as he realizes the truth. (Old characters, new skit)

  26. Farewell song (All 5) - Music changing our lives (1-sentence Medley started by Dave made from snippets of Jesus Christ Superstar, Stairway to Heaven, Jeremy & Give Peace a Chance…). The lights drop and all 5 flick their lighters…

  27. Encore (All 5)- To Reg: a toast to a friend they've murdered…(Old characters, old skit, still good)

  28. 2nd Encore (All 5)(Detroit only): Running Faggot (musical)(Old characters, old skit, still good)

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