The Texas shows were a blast. I'm exhausted, but I'd do it again. Here is a quick rundown of shows and fun.
DALLAS. Thursday. February 3, 2000.
That morning I had done a radio interview for a Dallas station. They called me at home and asked me to come up with trivia questions for their contest (which was pretty horrible to pull on someone who is barely awake at 7 in the morning). But wrote them I did and e-mailed them to the address they wanted it at. I get a call at 7:40 asking if I sent the questions (which I did), so they asked me to send it to another e-mail address. So I did then around 7:55 they called to say their server was down, but they would like to talk to me on the air. So around 8 I was on-air at Merge93.3 in Dallas. They asked really stupid questions and I answered them hopefully not too stupidly back. Meanwhile my dog is looking at me and shaking his tags (his indication he wants to go out for a walk). So I'm trying to stop him jingling and answer stupid questions at the same time.
I fly up later that day with Jennifer Day. My traveling companions for these shows were Jennifer Day and Jennifer (Djin) Gardner. Every try starting a sentence with "Jen ..." and get both people looking at you with a "Yes?" Anywho we land and Djin picks us up. We pick up another friend and we hang out until time to go to the show. Jen's cousin comes and we were going to follow her to the venue since she knew where the Broncobowl was. But unfortunately at a light she told us she had to pull into a gas station because she was having car trouble, they pull into a station and we kind of miss them (Jen & her cousin Elayne) because Djin wasn't sure how to get into the station. We're on the highway so she doubles back to the station but we don't see them, so we head to the Broncobowl, relying on the information Djin got earlier. We make it there and spot Jen & Elayne at an ATM machine.
The Broncobowl is a bizarre place, it has a bowling alley and arcade and the theater was way in the back. The show was great, we were up close, Djin, Angela & I are in the 2nd row. Jen & Elayne are in the first row. A good time is had by all even though at the end of our row are these two drunk woman being really loud and obnoxious. There are variations to the shows I saw in L.A. & Phoenix. The outcome of the Headcrusher vs. Facepincher is different and funny. The end of the Sir Simon & Hecubus sketch was hilarious. In Dallas, while Sir Simon is "hypnotizing" Hecubus he's also groping him. To the point when Kevin asks, "Hecubus, can you hear me?" Dave is trying not to laugh as he retorts, "Yes, Master and I'm thinking about this weird uncle who used to touch me." Near disaster of the night, Mark was doing the "having a heart attack in the suburbs" monologue when one of the screens started lurching forward towards him. The crowd gasped. (I'm thinking, "Can I hop up there in time to stop the screen from falling on him?"), but thankfully a stagehand fixed it by the end of his routine.
After the show, we wait for others to pile out because it's so crowded. At that point a stagehand comes over and says "Is there someone here named Barb?" I reply, "Yep, that's me." He says, "Wait here, Scott wants to talk to you." At this point, loud drunk women look over and say, "We're staying with you. You're our new best friend!" I'm thinking, "Fuck!" Stage hand comes back and asks who's in my party. I say that in total we are five. He says, "Follow me" and drunk woman keep putting themselves in the equation. When we finally reach the room there are now nine of us, and I see Scott standing in a doorway. So I call out, "Hey Scott!" He comes into the room and gives us all a kiss on the cheek and asks me how I liked the show. I tell him and then we began a discussion of what worked and what didn't in his Buddy monologue. I introduce him to the FIVE friends I brought with me and say, "there are some drunk women who decided to tag along, so if they do something stupid, just remember, I didn't bring them." Then I ask if he minds autographing the program for my L.A. friend Bridget because she couldn't buy a program there. He said, he'd get all the guys to sign and off he went.
Bruce appeared in the room and I call him out on something he said on stage about never being in Texas before. I remind him that he was in Austin for SXSW (South by South West music festival) a few years ago and I saw him there. He was very nice and chatted with everyone and stagehand guy was now bringing in folks who had backstage passes to meet them.
Dave came into the room with his girlfriend and said hi to everyone. Someone says something like, "Oh Dave, have you met Barb?" To which he smiles and says, "Oh yes, many times." He also remembered Djinifer and chatted with us briefly.
Scott comes back with the program and I thank him. Then stagehand guy tells us we have to go. We say bye and the stagehand guides us out. In the hallway, Mark McKinney is standing in a doorway and yells, "Hey BARB!" I turn and say hi back and shake his hand briefly, but stagehand is insistent, so off we go. We go up some weird steps, he opens the door and we see the van the guys are travelling in, a fence and hundreds of fans on the other side of the fence, I'm thinking, "This isn't the right exit". He spots his mistake and calls Djin back who's completely oblivious and trying to remember where she parked the car. As we go up the steps back into the building the crowd starts to cheer, so we wave at them! It was hilarious.
We get taken to the correct exit. Drunk woman apologize for crashing our meeting but thanked us for being cool and not getting them thrown out. They overheard us telling the guys that we were going to see them in Austin the next day, to which they asked about the Austin show. "I think they're sold out," I reply back. (Who knew the show actually was sold out?)
AUSTIN. Friday. February 4, 2000
We leave Dallas at 10 and make it to town in good time. Jen decided to meet up with us around 6 and we would all go. Djin & I had lunch at Chili's and when we got back to my house, she wanted a nap. So she napped and I caught up on my e-mail.
The Austin Music Hall wouldn't let anyone in the building. The show was suppose to start at 7:30. It was 7:15 and the doors were locked. It was freezing outside and both Jens weren't wearing the warmest of clothing. Finally we got inside. I had never been to the Music Hall before.
The seats were essentially plastic folding chairs, but unlike the Broncobowl, at least they bothered to put labels on the seats to number them. We're on the front row this time and the stage is really high. I try really hard not to look up the guys dresses when they are in dresses.
The show started really late. (Almost an hour late in fact). When the guys first appeared on stage, to the applause (make that standing ovation) of everyone, Mark asked what time it was. I offered my watch (he grabbed my arm and looked at the time) and replied, "Oh Fuck!" The show was good, but I felt it was a little rushed. I thought they snipped some stuff (for time) but overall it was a good show. I might have thought great show if I hadn't seen it 24 hours earlier. :)
We waited for the crowds to clear out (I wasn't expecting to be called backstage, but I think the Jens thought it might happen). It didn't. So we decided to go find a place to eat. Besides we didn't want to look like complete stalker freaks waiting for the guys after the show. So off to IHOP.
HOUSTON. Saturday. February 5, 2000
We leave Austin around 11 and make it to Houston in good time. Jen works for a luxury hotel chain so she got us a room at the St. Regis hotel for $50. We find the hotel, Jen checks us in and then we went looking for lunch. We went to a sandwich shop called Antone's. Back at the hotel which is so swank that there's a phone in the bathroom and a real soapdish for soap (as oppose to putting the soap on top of its wrapper) that we are a little intimidated by the room. We decide to take a taxi to the venue rather than drive.
We arrive at the Ariel theater which seems to be a small theater kind of attached to a strip mall kind of place in the theatre district in downtown Houston. The doors were locked until 7. Again it's a nippy night but this time the Jens have more clothes on. We meet up with some people we met in Dallas who remembered us and they tell us about seeing the guys before they got into the building. They even got to see the elusive Kevin. The crowd called for Kevin to come over which he did much to the displeasure of his girlfriend who stood around impatiently tapping her foot. Dave wasn't with them. (Which wasn't surprising, Dave has turned up separately from the van at every show I've gone to).
Again folding chairs, although padded one with arm rests. At one point we had to get up (we had front row seats again), because in the middle of our row was a really huge guy (who had to weight 400 pounds or more) couldn't fit in his seat. So the staff had to take the arms off his chair and separate him out some, so we were about six inches over to the left.
This show was probably their most hazardous. Scott fell while trying to dance out of his pants. He fell pretty hard. Mark was trying not to laugh at him and Kevin was calling out, "Are you alright?" Mark as ChickenLady almost fell when trying to hop on her chair (Actually he jumped up, started to lose his balance and jumped off then jumped back up again). During the slow country doctor sketch, Scott was laying in bed but a piece of scenery kept threatening to fall on him, so he was really cautious. So when Kevin came out and he started ad libbing that the sky was falling on him, so Kevin helped him move the bed out of the way. Oh yeah, did I mention that during the Cops sketch they had this apple that in every performance Mark would take a bite out of, but this time around he and Bruce was playing soccer with it? Bruce kicked it hard and it flew into the audience, hitting me in the arm. I tried to pick it up but the guys in the row behind me grabbed it and said, "It's mine now!" Bruce looked mortified, Mark ad-libbed, "You know these folks are paying customers." And yes, it did hurt. No bruising though (me, I don't know about the apple).
After the show we lurked around (I guess again, the Jens thought we'd see a stagehand), but it was not to be. So we went around back where the other fans were waiting for them to leave. The Jens didn't want to stay there because the crowd were mostly youngish and at one point they were hanging on the van. Some of the folks heard that Dave Foley has left already and they start calling him names. [Bridget, side note to you: Remember the autograph hounds in L.A.? They were there]. Some of the kids thought maybe the van was a ruse and they guys were all gone, when Scott came outside followed by Mark and Bruce. They start signing stuff and taking pictures and Jens and I stand in the crowd but out of the way of folks trying to get things signed. I tell Scott the show was great and I'm glad they came to Texas. He shakes my hand and says he's had a great time. When Bruce is in earshot, I say, "Bruce had I caught the apple I would have chucked it back onstage." He looks up and sees me and says, "Where were you sitting?" I said, "Front row. That apple hit me in the arm." He looked embarrassed and apologized. I told him is was okay. They all pile in the van (minus Kevin) and it leaves.
Jens and I decide to try the Italian restaurant which is next door to the theatre. This strip mall has a movie theater and we hear some kids say that Kevin is hiding in the movie Magnolia. We go to the restaurant which had really nice food, but damn it was expensive. The bill for 3 people that consisted of food, two alcoholic drinks (total) and one tiramisu to go was $76. Needless to say, we all had to hit the ATM afterwards.
We get a cab back to the hotel. The cabbie is driving like a bat out of hell (I'm trying not to throw tiramisu all over the backseat), but we get there in one piece (barely). I feel stupid calling room service for a fork, so I decide to use the St. Regis swizzle sticks they have at the bar. The top of the swizzles are pretty large and make a serviceable spoon (who needs MacGiver?). Tiramisu (which turned out to be $6.50) was very tasty and enjoyed by all.
Next morning the goal was to have Djin drop us at the bus station, so she could drive straight home, since it would take longer for her to go through Austin. But she insists on taking us back to Austin. So three hours to Austin. She takes a quick potty break at my house and Jen leads her to the street she needs to take to get to I-35 back to Fort Worth. So that took her another 3 hours to get home. But everyone made it back to their domiciles and a good time was had by all.